Sagai Karne Pahele

Here's a comprehensive summary of the Jain text "Sagai Karne Pahele" (Before You Get Engaged) by Priyam, based on the provided pages:

Overall Message and Purpose:

The book "Sagai Karne Pahele" is presented as a heartfelt gift from a private friend who doesn't want the reader's single mistake to become a lifelong punishment. Its core message is to encourage thoughtful consideration and wise decision-making before getting engaged, emphasizing that outward appearances, wealth, or prestige are secondary to true character, values, and spiritual compatibility in a successful and happy married life. The text strongly advocates for choosing a partner based on their inner qualities, adherence to principles, and the potential for a harmonious spiritual and domestic life, drawing heavily on Jain philosophy and practices.

Key Themes and Sections:

The book is structured around several critical questions and scenarios that potential partners should consider:

1. What to Look For: Beauty, Wealth, or Education? (Page 3-4)

• The Problem of Superficiality: This section highlights the folly of prioritizing superficial qualities like beauty, wealth, or even conventional education over essential character traits.
• A Cautionary Tale: The narrative vividly illustrates the disastrous consequences of marrying for the wrong reasons. One friend (Nishu) is shown suffering a miserable married life due to his wife's materialistic, demanding, and inconsiderate nature. She is described as constantly complaining, obsessed with appearances and possessions, and lacking in common sense and empathy.
• The Contrast of True Happiness: In stark contrast, the narrator (Jimit) shares his own joyful married life, attributing it to his wife's positive outlook, her genuine respect for elders, her selfless nature, her focus on domestic duties, and her dedication to spiritual study. He emphasizes that true happiness comes from inner contentment and virtuous conduct, not external possessions.
• The Importance of Spiritual Foundation: Jimit's wife, before marriage, agreed to and diligently practiced religious observances like "Panch Pratikraman" and "Nav Smaran" with understanding. This spiritual foundation, the book argues, cultivates virtues like compassion, contentment, and tolerance, which are crucial for a lasting marriage.

2. The Source of Happiness... Positive Energy (Page 5-6)

• Modern Traps and Negative Influences: This section warns against modern influences like TV, internet, negative friendships, and cinema, identifying them as sources of negative energy that lead to anger, lust, lack of gentleness, and unmet expectations, ultimately causing misery.
• The Power of Positive Energy: True happiness, the book asserts, comes from positive energy derived from spiritual practices such as "Samayik" (meditation), "Pooja" (worship), "Swadhyay" (scriptural study), and listening to religious discourses. These practices lead to a cheerful mind, a healthy body, and the ability to fulfill responsibilities.
• A Personal Account of Misery: A young man, who married against his family's wishes for love, recounts his terrible experience after just four months of marriage. His wife, not being religious and driven by materialistic desires, constantly fights, threatens divorce, and the couple's outings only exacerbate their conflicts. The narrative underscores the lack of positive energy in their relationship, leading to constant arguments and unhappiness.

3. Happiness or Sorrow? ... Your Choice (Page 6-7)

• The Devastating Impact of Adharma (Unrighteousness): This section uses a poignant story of a father (Harshadbhai) whose daughter, despite his warnings, married a man based on superficial attractions and a modern lifestyle. Initially, the daughter reported being happy, but within months, the husband's true nature—cruel, abusive, and unfaithful—emerged.
• The Rediscovery of Dharma: The daughter, deeply unhappy and suffering, regrets not heeding her father's advice about the importance of "Dharma" (righteousness and spiritual practice). She laments that she learned the value of religious principles, rituals like "Samayik" and "Pratikraman," and the importance of "Sanskars" (values and upbringing) too late.
• The Core Message: The story powerfully conveys that true happiness lies in virtues, which are rooted in "Dharma." Rejecting "Dharma" for pleasure is akin to rejecting food for sustenance.

4. Heaven or Hell? ... Your Choice (Page 8-10)

• The Misconception of Religious Partners: This section presents a conversation between two friends, Riya and Mansi. Riya rejects a suitor (Arya) simply because he is religiously inclined, fearing he might take religious vows (Deeksha) and leave her. She prioritizes a "colorful and fun" life over spiritual companionship.
• The Grim Reality of a "Modern" Marriage: Years later, Riya meets Mansi again, broken and miserable. She confesses that her choice of a non-religious, pleasure-seeking husband led to a life of abuse, alcoholism, infidelity, and constant suffering. She was beaten, insulted, and her wishes for a child were forcefully denied, resulting in miscarriages.
• The Irreversible Mistake: Riya's story serves as a stark warning about the dangers of rejecting religious values and a righteous partner in pursuit of fleeting pleasures. She realizes too late that her pursuit of a "modern" lifestyle with a non-religious person was a grave error.

5. Modern or Orthodox? ... Your Choice (Page 11-14)

• The Dangers of "Boldness" and Immodesty: This section features a conversation between two friends, Sunny and Vicky. Sunny advises Vicky against marrying a "bold" and openly liberal girl, explaining that such immodesty is a sign of a lack of shame, which is the true beauty of a woman. He warns that modern Western dress and behavior, while appearing attractive, often lead to marital discord and disrespect.
• The Male Perspective: Sunny argues that men, even modern ones, are uncomfortable with their wives being openly admired or desired by others. He explains that the desire for control and possessiveness is natural, and a "bold" wife can lead to a battlefield marriage. He highlights the hypocrisy of men who desire modern behavior in their partners but expect complete fidelity and modesty, often resorting to spying on them.
• The Foundation of Stability: The book stresses that "Maryada" (propriety, respect, and adherence to boundaries) is the bedrock of a stable marriage and family life. Throughout history, the absence of divorce in Indian culture is attributed to this adherence to "Maryada." Choosing a modest and principled partner is therefore presented as the wisest course for lasting happiness.
• A Friend's Regret: Vicky, initially dismissive of Sunny's advice, later experiences the same marital problems. His wife, Twisha, despite his love and sacrifices, engages in deceitful behavior, financial mismanagement, and infidelity, leading to his immense pain and contemplating extreme actions. His story underscores the destructive consequences of ignoring wise counsel and prioritizing superficial attractions.

6. Stop, Watch & Go (Page 14-15)

• The Deception of Advertisements: This section criticizes marriage advertisements that focus solely on material possessions and wealth. A friend, Yash, warns Abhi that marrying a girl solely attracted to his "package" (salary, flat, car) is a mistake. He advises prioritizing qualitative suitability over material wealth.
• The Fragility of Materialistic Relationships: The story of Jaimin illustrates the vulnerability of relationships based on superficial attraction. Jaimin falls deeply in love with a beautiful girl, but a car accident disfigures her face. His inability to accept her altered appearance leads him to request her euthanasia, revealing the shallowness of his love, which was primarily for her beauty. This highlights the importance of inner beauty and acceptance.

7. Relation With Fair Skin (Page 15-16)

• The Superficiality of Fair Skin Obsession: This section points out the obsession with fair skin in matchmaking. Jaimin, the protagonist of the previous story, had seen many girls but found no one satisfactory until he met the twenty-fifth candidate. His initial infatuation with her beauty quickly crumbles after the accident.
• A Wife's Betrayal During Hardship: The story of Abhi, who lost his job and faced financial difficulties, shows his wife's immediate departure with her valuables and a demand for divorce. This demonstrates that relationships built on external circumstances and not mutual commitment can crumble during challenging times. The book implies that the superficial attraction to "fair skin" or outward beauty is a weak foundation for marriage.

8. City or Village? (Page 16-17)

• The Trade-offs of Urban vs. Rural Life: This section discusses the pros and cons of living in cities versus villages. While cities offer convenience and perceived excitement, they are also depicted as stressful, expensive, unsafe, and filled with negative influences.
• The Advantages of Village Life: Village life is presented as simpler, safer, more community-oriented, less expensive, and more conducive to a peaceful and virtuous life. It is seen as preserving cultural values that are diminishing in cities. The book argues that village life offers a more harmonious existence and a lower incidence of diseases, conflicts, and divorces.
• The Choice for Happiness: The ultimate message is that choosing a life partner and lifestyle that aligns with one's values and priorities is crucial for happiness, and a simple, virtuous life in a village might offer more genuine contentment than the chaotic urban lifestyle.

Key Takeaways and Advice:

• Prioritize Character: Focus on a partner's inner qualities, virtues, kindness, compassion, tolerance, and spiritual inclination over physical beauty, wealth, or worldly achievements.
• Seek Spiritual Compatibility: A shared commitment to spiritual practices and values forms a strong foundation for a happy and lasting marriage.
• Be Wary of Superficiality: Avoid being swayed by outward appearances, fashion, modern trends, or materialistic promises.
• Understand the Consequences: Recognize that decisions made before engagement have long-term repercussions.
• Embrace "Maryada": Uphold and seek partners who understand and adhere to principles of modesty, respect, and propriety.
• Choose Wisely: The book advocates for a partner who is spiritually grounded, virtuous, and who will contribute to a peaceful and happy home.

In essence, "Sagai Karne Pahele" is a guide for aspiring individuals to make informed choices about marriage, emphasizing the timeless wisdom of adhering to righteous principles and seeking a partner who aligns with those values for true and lasting happiness.