Lakhi Rakho Aarasni Takhti Par

This Jain text, "Lakhi Rakho Aarasni Takhti Par" by Ratnasundarsuri, is a series of letters exchanged between a spiritual guide ("Maharajsaheb") and a young man named Darshan. Darshan is facing significant conflict with his aging parents, stemming from generational differences in perspective and expectations. The core of the problem lies in Darshan's perception of his parents as having outdated views and being overly intrusive, leading to constant friction. His wife also struggles with his parents' behavior.

Darshan's Initial Plea:

Darshan describes his parents (in their late sixties/early seventies) as being out of touch with the modern world. He feels his father lacks the intellect to understand him, and his mother lacks the intelligence to understand his wife. This leads to constant disagreements and a desire to live separately. He believes his parents interfere too much and advises control over their opinions. He feels his parents' stubbornness is unchangeable and considers either separation or issuing a "notice" for them to change their ways. He argues that his wife, who has done nothing wrong, shouldn't have to endure his parents' behavior.

The Spiritual Guide's Response - A Lesson in Gratitude and Understanding:

The spiritual guide responds by gently but firmly challenging Darshan's perspective. He highlights the profound sacrifices his parents made:

• Life-Givers and Life-Sustainers: The guide emphasizes that his parents are not just his creators but also his life-givers. He reminds Darshan that as an infant, he was utterly helpless and dependent, and his parents protected him from harm, even from potential dangers like insects damaging his eyes. His mother's sacrifices during pregnancy, enduring discomfort and altering her habits for his well-being, are presented as acts of immense devotion and sacrifice.
• The Value of Gratitude: The guide draws an analogy to the difficulty of holding a small book for nine days without interruption while maintaining happiness, to illustrate the challenge of his mother carrying him for nine months. He stresses that true gratitude would bring tears to Darshan's eyes.
• Moral Guidance and Protection: The guide points out that his parents shielded him from bad influences, bad habits, and negative environments, instilling good values and introducing him to spirituality. They ensured he grew up with good character.
• Generational Differences vs. Innate Nature: The guide suggests that Darshan's parents' "stubbornness" is not an inherent flaw but a product of their era and upbringing. He contrasts this with the unfortunate trend of abortion in the current generation.
• The Story of the Mother's Love: A poignant story is shared about a mother who, though placed in an old-age home by her son, calls him on his birthday, reminding him of the night he was born and the sacrifices she made. The son's dismissive reaction highlights the potential for ingratitude and lack of empathy.
• Prioritizing the Past: The guide urges Darshan to recall his parents' past sacrifices and the immense love and effort they invested in him. This reflection, he believes, will change Darshan's current decisions.

Addressing Specific Grievances - The Concept of Justice vs. Love in the Home:

Darshan later expresses frustration about perceived injustices, such as unequal property division and favoritism shown to his elder brother and sister-in-law.

The guide reframes this:

• Love over Justice at Home: He posits that while justice is important in the outside world, home thrives on love and compromise. True love would mean prioritizing the happiness of others, even if it means receiving less. He suggests that if Darshan truly loved his brother and sister-in-law, he would be happy for their greater share.
• Recognizing Past Contributions: He highlights that the elder brother was instrumental in starting and growing the business, therefore deserving a larger share. Similarly, the sister-in-law's earlier arrival and contribution to household chores are presented as valid reasons for maternal favor.
• The "Sand" Analogy: The guide uses the analogy of saints, good people, and loved ones writing injustices on water, paper, and sand, respectively, while inscribing favors on marble. He implores Darshan to treat any perceived injustice from his parents as if written on sand, to be easily wiped away, while holding onto the countless favors they have bestowed.

The Importance of "Heart" over "Intellect":

A recurring theme is the guidance to prioritize the "heart" (emotions, love, empathy) over the "intellect" (logic, analysis, criticism) when dealing with parents.

• Intellect as a Double-Edged Sword: The guide cautions that while intellect is useful, it can be destructive in relationships, dissecting every action and word of loved ones, leading to negativity and broken bonds. He compares this to a pathologist dissecting a corpse, finding flaws without understanding the life it once held.
• The "Like You" vs. "Love You" Distinction: The guide explains that liking is based on intellect and circumstances, while love stems from the heart and is unconditional. He urges Darshan to treat his parents with love, not mere liking, acknowledging that their actions might stem from the heart, even if flawed.
• The Power of Gratitude and Forgiveness: The guide repeatedly emphasizes that gratitude should overshadow any perceived flaws or past hurts. He advocates for forgiving parents' mistakes, just as parents forgive their children's youthful indiscretions.

Darshan's Transformation and the Shift in Perspective:

Through the letters, Darshan undergoes a significant transformation. He begins to truly understand his parents' sacrifices and the depth of their love. He acknowledges his own past arrogance, ingratitude, and misplaced reliance on intellect over emotion.

• Acceptance of "It's Okay to Not Understand": He learns that it's not always necessary to understand or agree with parents' actions; simply accepting them with love is sufficient for maintaining peace.
• The Role of Empathy: Darshan starts to see his parents' actions and words through an empathetic lens, realizing the reasons behind their behavior.
• The "Sweet Poison" of Intellect: He recognizes how his intellect had led him to create conflict and bitterness.
• The "Kasar" (Bitterness) and "Nandavav" (Sweetness): He learns to accept his parents' flaws ("kasar") with understanding and to focus on the sweetness ("nandavav") of their love and their past sacrifices.
• The Wife's Transformation: Notably, Darshan's wife also experiences a change of heart after reading the guide's counsel, leading to a more harmonious relationship with his parents.
• The Power of Expressing Gratitude: Darshan finally expresses his gratitude to his father, leading to a deeply emotional reconciliation. He learns to express his feelings openly and honestly.

The Guide's Final Counsel:

The guide concludes by emphasizing the importance of continuous effort in maintaining positive relationships. He advises Darshan to:

• Cultivate Gratitude: Regularly express gratitude for his parents' sacrifices and love.
• Balance Intellect and Emotion: Prioritize love and empathy in family interactions while using intellect judiciously and not letting it dictate negative reactions.
• Forgive and Forget: Let go of past grievances and focus on the present and future.
• Be a Source of Peace: Strive to bring peace and happiness to his family, rather than contributing to conflict.
• Remember the Bigger Picture: Keep in mind the greater purpose of life and the ultimate spiritual journey.

In essence, the book is a profound exploration of intergenerational understanding, the importance of gratitude, the destructive nature of unchecked intellect in relationships, and the transformative power of love and empathy. It guides the reader to look beyond the surface flaws of loved ones and appreciate the deeper wellsprings of their actions, particularly the unconditional love of parents.