Aantardwand

Here's a comprehensive summary of the Jain text "Aantardwand" by Parmatmaprakash Bharilla, based on the provided pages:

Book Title: Aantardwand (अन्तर्द्वन्द) Author: Parmatmaprakash Bharilla Publisher: Hukamchand Bharilla Charitable Trust

Overall Theme: "Aantardwand," which translates to "Inner Conflict," is a profound and introspective work that delves into the inner turmoil and philosophical reflections of a 75-year-old individual. The book highlights the discrepancies of a life lived without a clear purpose and presents the art of living a meaningful life. It's a powerful piece of contemplation that resonates with the universal struggles of aging, regret, and the search for spiritual fulfillment.

Summary of Key Sections and Themes:

• Foreword (Prakashiya - Page 4):

  • The foreword describes "Aantardwand" as a powerful portrayal of the natural inner conflicts experienced by a 75-year-old individual.
  • The narrative flows as a stream of consciousness, depicting the protagonist's diverse thoughts.
  • The protagonist, in his post-sixty years, is engaged in self-study (Swadhyaya) due to remorse over past sinful deeds committed in his youth. He is now conscious of his diet, conduct, and well-being.
  • A significant conflict arises from the generation gap. When he tries to help his sons in their business or instill values in his grandchildren, he finds himself unsuccessful and feels neglected by his family. He laments that those for whom he committed sins now consider him senile, wanting him to be like "Shravan Kumar" (a devoted son) merely for the respect and facilities.
  • He regrets not exercising discretion in his eating habits for the sake of physical health, which is now failing him. The common adage "It's too late to cry over spilt milk" ("Ab pachhtaye kya hot hai, jab chidiya chug gai khet") is invoked.
  • Recalling his past "Aart-Raudra Dhyana" (intense negative meditation), selfish motives, and immoral actions fills him with dread.
  • The author offers a message of hope for those in similar situations: "Forget the past, handle the present, and the future will take care of itself." Just as a spark can ignite dry grass, a spark of Samyagjnana (right knowledge) can incinerate past sins.
  • The book is presented as a relatable problem for all individuals over sixty, written in a simple and understandable style to provide guidance.

• Author's Note (Apni Baat - Pages 5-12):

  • The author expresses a deep regret over how he lived his past life, wishing he had known certain truths earlier to have a different life trajectory.
  • He muses on the desire to live life twice – once to learn and experiment, and a second time to live fully. However, he recognizes this as an imagination, not a reality.
  • He decides to plan his remaining life by learning from others' experiences and analyzing his own past, to avoid future regrets.
  • When he began this analytical introspection, he became confused by conflicting thoughts and emotions. To organize his thoughts, he decided to write.
  • Initially, the writing was for personal solace ("Swantah Sukhaya"), but he acknowledges that written thoughts eventually become public. He admits he couldn't be entirely honest about his raw feelings and thoughts, fearing public scrutiny.
  • This process awakened his dormant literary inclination, and his thoughts began to take the form of a literary work.
  • He felt the need for organized and complete thinking when writing, unlike his earlier fragmented thoughts.
  • A parallel thought process about the natural development from a lay follower (Shravak) to a spiritual practitioner (Sadhak) led him to begin a narrative titled "Samkit."
  • This narrative was published in a periodical but he was dissatisfied and stopped it. He then restarted the work with modifications.
  • His father, Dr. Hukamchandji Bharilla, upon reading the initial draft, wrote a Sanskrit verse on his diary, encouraging perseverance through obstacles ("Prarambhate na khalu vighnabhayena nichaih..."). The author took this as a blessing and inspiration.
  • He then decided to publish the core message of his work in a condensed outline form, hoping for reader feedback to complete the larger work.
  • Due to a fear of delaying the work further, he presents "Aantardwand" in its current, unpolished state ("Jahan hai, jaisa hai" - As it is, where it is).
  • The booklet presents concise, aphoristic thoughts on one's perspective towards life.
  • He emphasizes that merely reading these thoughts is insufficient; they need to be deeply contemplated, integrated into life, and acted upon.
  • He uses the analogy of a sculptor to illustrate that one must be their own sculptor to create an ideal life, rather than relying on others.
  • He draws parallels between sculpting a statue and shaping one's life, highlighting the need for detailed observation, practice, and dedicated effort.
  • He stresses the importance of continuous, organized thinking to form a coherent ideology and a meaningful life, comparing unstructured thoughts to scattered straws.
  • He asserts that the ability to think and a structured ideology distinguish humans from other beings. Merely being born human isn't enough; one must become a human through thought.
  • He acknowledges that translating these thoughts into practice is not easy and requires deep contemplation and acceptance of the author's perspective.
  • He plans to present a detailed novel in a simple language, using everyday life events and characters to explain his ideas further.
  • He expresses a desire to simplify and interpret Prathamanuyog texts (narrative sections of Jain scriptures focusing on the lives of great beings) for modern readers, as their language has become difficult. He believes Prathamanuyog reveals the nature of worldly existence and liberation, guiding individuals from the cycle of birth and death to liberation.
  • He eloquently describes Adhyatma (Spirituality) as a science of dispassion that distinguishes the self from the non-self, bondage from liberation, and soul from matter. Prathamanuyog is the art that removes individuals from the darkness of worldly attachment and places them on the pure path to liberation.
  • He states that the core message of Prathamanuyog is the essence of the insignificance of worldly life.
  • He concludes by inviting readers to contribute their own life experiences and challenges, which he will attempt to address.

• Chapter 1 (Pages 13-16):

  • The narrator, now 75, reflects on his past and how his life has been lived. He contrasts the government's view of old age (55-60) with his youthful feeling of being just at the beginning of life.
  • He was driven by a desire to enjoy life to the fullest, particularly through his thriving business.
  • He decided to involve himself in the business again to oversee his sons' work. However, his attempts to be actively involved were met with resistance from his sons, who politely asked him to retire and enjoy his old age, promising to fulfill his wishes.
  • Feeling sidelined, he sought a new responsibility: imparting values and sanskars to his grandchildren. However, he found that the children were too busy with school and tuitions to spend time with him.
  • He tried to share his thoughts during their meals, but the children, hurried by their schedules, would leave quickly.
  • He felt like a falling child looking around to see if anyone noticed, but unlike that child, he had witnesses (wife, daughters-in-law, servants) to his isolation. His wife's dismissive response ("Yes, yes! I know everything, am I hearing this for the first time?") further emphasized his lack of impact.
  • He concludes that his life, whether complete or not, has passed. He feels he never understood the meaning of life, making it meaningless. He feels he has nothing left to do but count the days, waiting for his family to gather, bringing a fleeting sense of joy before they disperse again, leaving him to face the night alone.
  • Despite outward appearances of a full life (family, business, respect, health), he feels an inner emptiness, a lack of anything substantial to carry forward to the next life.

• Chapter 2 (Pages 16-20):

  • He feels burdened by the weight of his unfulfilled deeds and the karmic consequences. He expresses deep regret for past actions driven by fleeting self-interest, comparing it to buying expensive items on credit without considering the future repayment with heavy interest.
  • He reflects on childhood games and his inability to be honest even then, prioritizing victory over friendship, and calls himself his friends' enemy.
  • He questions the necessity of consuming forbidden foods (Abhakshya) knowing the harm caused to countless microscopic beings. He ponders the true purpose and pleasure of food, noting that taste is fleeting and the pleasure only lasts for the few moments of consumption.
  • He contrasts the brief pleasure of taste with the infinite harm caused by consuming Abhakshya, equating his desire for them to greed and endless suffering.
  • He questions if this desire for taste is not a form of unending distress. The anticipation, effort to obtain, and the cruelty of harming beings are all forms of suffering, not pleasure.
  • He draws a parallel to the grief felt when a loved one is separated, which diminishes appetite.
  • He states that consuming Abhakshya is not just an offense but an ongoing enmity towards countless beings, as he remains prepared to harm them whenever the need arises. This perpetuates fear and vigilance in those beings.
  • He compares himself to a lion, which only hunts when hungry, to a human who continues to harm for selfish desires, even when their own needs are met.
  • He contemplates that these harmed beings might include his past and future relatives, and even divine souls. He laments his neglect of these beings, which is a neglect of his own soul.

• Chapter 3 (Pages 20-22):

  • He confesses to wrongs, such as using his influence to help his friend's unworthy son pass the PMT (Pre-Medical Test) through bribery. He acknowledges that this corrupted society, deprived a deserving student of their rightful opportunity, and potentially dashed the hopes of that student's parents.
  • He realizes how his thoughtless actions cause immense harm to society, which cannot be compensated even by a lifetime of social service. Sometimes, people even consider such actions as social service.
  • He laments humanity's ignorance of its own inner state and how hidden vices poison society's environment. He also regrets being a silent witness to his college friends' actions that ruined the lives of young women, questioning if he lacked the courage or if his own subconscious desires were complicit.
  • He questions why he didn't see his female friends as sisters and if his inaction was a tacit approval of their exploitation. He asks if it's justifiable to ruin someone's life for momentary lust.
  • He reflects on the hypocrisy of considering oneself superior while engaging in such behavior and expresses concern about leaving impressionable children to navigate such a society.
  • He contrasts the expectations of a civilized society with the disruptive behavior of youth, noting that as one ages and becomes the hunted rather than the hunter, the need for civility, morality, and integrity becomes paramount.

• Chapter 4 (Pages 22-26):

  • He discusses the injustice of his neighbor, Vermaji, encroaching on his land. However, he questions the wisdom of fighting a legal battle for years over a small piece of land, leading to sleepless nights filled with hateful thoughts. The land remained empty, and the time spent in conflict could have been used for meaningful contemplation.
  • He views Vermaji's minor injustice as negligible compared to the immense karmic bondage he inflicted upon himself.
  • He acknowledges that he consistently engaged in "Aart-Raudra Dhyana" (negative meditation) by rationalizing his actions as fighting injustice, thus beautifying his negative tendencies.
  • He challenges the saying, "Committing injustice is a sin, and tolerating injustice is also a sin," questioning why he applied this principle selectively and not universally.
  • He describes his life as driven by convenience rather than principles. He becomes a "principled" person only when a principle serves his momentary self-interest, readily abandoning larger principles if they hinder a petty gain.
  • He uses the example of refusing to give a small amount to a beggar, citing his principle against promoting begging, while readily bribing a Ticket Collector for a train seat.
  • He laments the pervasive injustice in the world, where even basic actions are debatable, and survival often involves harming others. He questions the relevance of discussing justice in such a world and suggests that only the thought of liberation can counteract injustice.
  • He reflects on the concept of "all is fair in love, war, and business," but questions if he can forgive himself for profiteering, which might have forced others to subsist on less. He realizes that such ill-gotten wealth is ultimately insignificant in his current state.

• Chapter 5 (Pages 26-30):

  • He contemplates the nature and allure of money, which humanity prioritizes over the soul, despite the soul being the most beautiful aspect of existence. He questions the immense attraction of money and whether it is worth dedicating one's entire life to.
  • He contrasts the relationship between money and gold (one can be exchanged for the other) with the relationship between money and life (life cannot be bought back with money). He concludes that life is not a market commodity and thus not bound by market rules.
  • The same principle applies to character, emotions, and sensitivities – they cannot be bought back once lost.
  • He reflects on the story of Ramu, a servant who practically grew up in their home, serving the family since childhood. Ramu's mother abandoned him, leaving him to be raised by the family as a utilitarian service provider.
  • Ramu became an indispensable cook, and his absence caused significant disruption to the household.
  • Years passed without anyone noticing Ramu's personal life, marriage, or his parents' deaths. He was treated as a functional part of the household, his salary being his only personal remuneration.
  • Ramu's childhood and youth seemed to vanish, and he began to age prematurely. When he fell ill, no one had the time or inclination to find out the details of his illness or treatment.
  • Despite the availability of private doctors and his relative's affluence, Ramu was taken to public hospitals for treatment.
  • Eventually, the family decided to give Ramu a severance package of twenty thousand rupees and send him back to his village, without even knowing his village's name or address.

• Chapter 6 (Pages 30-33):

  • The narrator reflects on Ramu's departure and how his absence was barely noticed, as if he were a bad dream. Gopal has now taken his place.
  • He admits to being a silent, aware witness to everything that happened to Ramu, understanding the meaning of the events but never attempting to change them.
  • He states that while he disliked the treatment of Ramu and couldn't have acted that way himself, his actions were conducted with his tacit consent.
  • He confesses to feigning ignorance, trying to appear uninvolved, though his keen observation never missed a detail. He admits that occasionally, out of momentary emotion, he might have offered subtle, indirect guidance to Ramu to detach from the situation, but always in a way that wouldn't draw attention to his contribution.
  • He describes living a "white" life within the "blackness of ink" (a metaphor for living a seemingly pure life amidst corrupt practices), acknowledging that one's true intentions cannot be hidden forever.
  • He asserts that people perceive not only what one appears to be but also what one tries to hide and how one desires to be perceived. This complicity in maintaining illusions is a sign of "civilizational development."
  • He draws a parallel to the "Emperor's New Clothes" story, where only an innocent child dares to point out the obvious.
  • He questions whether nature has overlooked his actions, and the karmic consequences that may have arisen from his deceptive behavior.
  • He then contemplates the superficiality of familial bonds, recognizing that people are merely gathered under one roof by chance, destined to eventually scatter. He questions the basis of his own sense of belonging and similarity to Ramu, given the different origins of family members.
  • He challenges the notion that blood relation is the sole criterion for belonging, pointing to how a wife, who comes from another family, becomes integral to the household.
  • He argues that if a wife can integrate so deeply, why couldn't Ramu, who also left his life behind to join them. He draws parallels between Ramu's occasional village visits and a wife's visits to her parental home.
  • He concludes that the only difference lies in the feeling of "ownership" or "belonging." Ramu, however, had become one with the family, sharing their joys and sorrows, yet remained an outsider.
  • He ponders why, despite living, eating, breathing, and sharing emotions with them, Ramu remained a "stranger." He questions if their neglect towards Ramu constitutes unpardonable anger and enmity and what the consequences of such feelings would be.

• Chapter 7 (Pages 33-39):

  • He expresses a longing for the wisdom he now possesses to have been available earlier, lamenting that his current life, meant to end the cycle of birth and death, has instead become a cause for eternal transmigration.
  • He confesses to being self-absorbed, mistaking his deceptive behavior for the art of living and patting himself on the back for it. Although his mind was not entirely pure, he projected an image of purity, becoming a false ascetic. He never considered that his behavior was a form of deceit for which he would pay a heavy price over ages.
  • He questions if a simple, honest life wouldn't have sufficed, and if his elaborate deceptions were necessary, given that respect, possessions, and circumstances are often predetermined by past karma.
  • He realized that his deceptive actions created more problems than solutions, and the karmic debt incurred would be severe, possibly with no memory of the original deeds.
  • He questions the basis of his belief that success couldn't be achieved without deceit, and that such behavior was essential for a fulfilling life.
  • He admits that these beliefs were not his original thoughts but were unconsciously absorbed from societal norms and practices. He questions why he didn't consciously develop his own lifestyle based on his interests and abilities or set life goals.
  • He laments allowing his life to drift aimlessly like a straw in the ocean, without direction or self-control.
  • He argues that even if one cannot set their own path, they should at least follow worthy individuals with foresight and discipline.
  • He criticizes following the masses and their ideologies, which leads to becoming just another insignificant part of the crowd. He advocates for following exceptional individuals who have set clear goals and life paths.
  • He concludes that his current predicament is a result of not consciously choosing a path and merely following the prevailing trends around him.

• Chapter 8 (Pages 36-39):

  • He feels his life has been devoid of any significant achievement that could be described in even two sentences. Although others praise his accomplishments, he now realizes their superficiality, like the fleeting victories of children that adults applaud.
  • These achievements were momentary and lacked lasting significance. While a sportsman's victory is temporary, unethical conduct to achieve it has long-term consequences. His own momentary gains, achieved through deceit, have resulted in an unending chain of karmic bondage.
  • He questions the importance of luxurious days compared to his current state, and whether his "accomplishments" matter for his future eternal life.
  • He rejects the notion that his achievements will benefit future generations, as those generations are ephemeral and transient, unlike his own eternal soul. He finds his attachment to these temporary connections childish, akin to children forming deep bonds on a short train journey.
  • He states that wise individuals view life's journey similarly, recognizing the impermanence of relationships. He considers his current human existence as a brief train journey in the vast expanse of his soul's eternal existence.
  • He realizes he has cheated himself by focusing on temporary gains and neglecting the welfare of his eternal soul. He feels a responsibility to manage his soul's "future generations" (future lives) and ensure its liberation from the cycle of birth and death.
  • He admits to knowing the difference between the soul and the body but confined this knowledge to intellectual discourse, failing to internalize it. This led him to focus on managing his livelihood, his current life, and his descendants, while neglecting his soul's future.
  • He confesses that he trusts his transient physical form more than his eternal soul, despite the uncertainty of the former and the certainty of the latter's eternal existence. This paradox highlights his flawed perspective.
  • His vision is too limited to grasp the soul's eternity, and his imagination cannot encompass it. While he acknowledges this through scriptures and teachings, he only embraces it when it doesn't conflict with his immediate self-interest. He performs religious rituals only if they don't interfere with his daily life, demonstrating a lack of genuine concern for his soul's future.

• Chapter 9 (Pages 39-43):

  • He criticizes the focus on immediate worldly gains over the eternal soul, stating that if the soul's eternity were truly recognized, life would naturally become more spiritual.
  • He reflects on hearing rational arguments from wise individuals about prioritizing the soul but failing to change his mindset, attributing this to youth and the promise of a future life.
  • Today, at 75, he feels released from worldly responsibilities but also devoid of personal future prospects. His only remaining future lies in the rebirth of his soul, which requires immense effort and caution.
  • He laments that if he had understood the insignificance of the next 10-20 years of this human life and focused on his eternal future, he would be closer to liberation now.
  • He feels his life has been a wasted pursuit, leading to despair about his future. He questions if his fate is to merely lament and repent.
  • He accepts the vastness of his soul's eternity, realizing that lamenting the loss of 100-50 years is insignificant in the grand scheme of his eternal existence.
  • He acknowledges that an "inner moment" of realization can dispel ages of darkness. He identifies himself as the soul that can achieve this realization, capable of ending eternal transmigration.
  • He declares, "It is never too late," and that the time to awaken is now. He resolves to begin the "auspicious mission" of "cutting through" the world, not reforming it, starting immediately.

• Chapter 10 (Pages 43-48):

  • He uses the analogy of a patient traveling to Mumbai for cancer treatment to illustrate his current state of spiritual urgency.
  • Just as a patient prioritizes treatment over sightseeing or social obligations, he must prioritize his soul's liberation.
  • He contrasts the careful planning for a pleasure trip to Mumbai with the immediate, urgent action required for medical treatment. He would forgo social niceties and personal comfort to meet the doctor and seek treatment.
  • Similarly, even if his family members have their own commitments, he would find a way to go for treatment, prioritizing his life-saving mission.
  • He highlights the patient's singular focus on recovery, neglecting all other worldly concerns.
  • He applies this to his spiritual quest: he has recognized the soul's "terminal illness" (the cycle of rebirth) and the "cure" (liberation). Yet, he remains preoccupied with mundane arrangements and social obligations, failing to focus on the "treatment."
  • He questions his inaction if he has identified the disease and the cure. He concludes that he must be unaware of the true gravity of transmigration's suffering or lacks faith in the wisdom of scriptures.
  • He compares himself to the cancer patient who, even when ill, abandons normal comforts and appearances. A spiritually awakened person sheds worldly attachments and desires, focusing solely on self-realization.
  • He marvels at the possibility of such detachment ( muni-dasha) and questions if such a state is even conceivable for him.

• Concluding Thoughts (Pages 48-50):

  • He laments his hesitation and procrastination in making the final decision for spiritual pursuit, constantly deferring it to "tomorrow."
  • He used to hope for a fresh start each morning but now sees each setting sun as a reflection of his own fading life, filled with regret.
  • During his youth, he faced a dilemma: his worldly life and its immediate problems versus the invisible soul and its hypothetical eternal future. He always prioritized the tangible present, fearing that prioritizing the soul would jeopardize his immediate existence.
  • He now realizes that his past wavering between the tangible present and the abstract future was a profound self-deception, a denial of his own being.
  • At 75, he is no longer relevant in the present and has no personal future. His only remaining concern is the future of his eternal soul, which requires immense effort, guidance, and study.
  • He questions his ability to undertake this spiritual journey now, given his physical limitations and dependence on others for daily activities.
  • He reiterates the lament that if this understanding had come ten or twenty years earlier, he would be much closer to liberation.
  • He fears his future will also be lost in darkness if he continues this pattern of inaction and despair. He questions if his destiny is only to lament.
  • He rejects this fate, reaffirming his acceptance of the soul's eternity. He realizes that lamenting the lost 100-50 years is futile in the face of an infinite past and future.
  • He emphasizes that the "inner moment" of realization can dispel the darkness of ages. He is the soul capable of achieving this, and the time for this realization is now, not in the distant future.
  • He concludes with a call to immediate action, asserting that it is never too late to embark on the path of self-discovery and liberation.

Publisher's Note (Dr. Hukamchand Bharilla Charitable Trust - Page 51):

• Details the establishment of the trust on May 25, 1995, with an initial corpus of three lakh rupees, contributed by the family of Dr. Hukamchand Bharilla.
• The trust's primary mission was to honor scholars.
• It outlines the awards and recognitions given by the trust, including cash prizes and certificates.
• It mentions the trust's involvement in constructing a Vitarag-Vijnana study hall and its subsequent foray into publishing, with "Aantardwand" being its second publication.

Author's Profile (Page 52):

• Provides biographical information about Parmatmaprakash Bharilla, born in 1959, son of Dr. Hukamchand Bharilla.
• He is involved in the diamond import-export business in Mumbai.
• He has been associated with social and religious activities from a young age and undertakes lectures both domestically and internationally.
• He holds significant positions in various Jain organizations.
• "Aantardwand" is his first published work.
• His interests include contemplation, writing, reading, and poetry.
• Upcoming works include "Mrityu Mahotsav" and "Jeevan Ka Vaibhav."

In essence, "Aantardwand" is a deeply personal and philosophical exploration of a life lived, filled with the regrets of missed opportunities and the yearning for spiritual purpose. It serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of self-reflection, ethical living, and prioritizing the eternal soul over fleeting worldly pursuits.